BARDS: 40+ Funny Phrases To Use
Bards are such a fun class, especially for those players that love the Roleplay aspect of the game! With spells and features such as Bardic Inspiration, Cutting Words, Vicious Mockery, and Dissonant Whispers, there’s plenty of opportunity to get a laugh and entertain the table.
Call them puns, dad jokes, word play, whatever you like. Using one of these phrases is a more engaging way of playing your character versus just saying, “I cast Cutting Words.” There are some insults at the end of the list. Please be kind to your fellow players and use these only for some choice villains. So, without further ado, here are some fun suggestions for you!
JOKES
Did you hear about the warlock that fell down the stairs? He misty stepped.
What do you call a Rogue with horns and pointy tail? A Thiefling.
Low DEX Wizards have to be very careful. I hear they cantrip.
What’s the difference between a Rogue and a Ranger? Class.
Have you seen the latest Barbarian fashions? I hear they’re all the Rage.
What do you call a Kenku Cleric? A Bird of Pray.
How do water elementals say hello? They wave.
What do you call a Gnome with the head of a bull? A Mini-taur.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
If we were fighting an undead centaur, would we technically be beating a dead horse?
When do Elves like eating lunch? Twelvish.
What’s a Cleric’s favorite drink? Divini-tea.
Why did the Necromancer retire? He decided to raise a family.
What happens when a Dark Elf casts Sleep on you? You get Drow-sy.
Why is the new Oathbreaker Paladin having back problems? He’s out of Alignment.
Why is the Fighter never worried about the heat of a Firebolt? He has great AC.
FLIRTING
Hey, I know polymorph. Wanna go at it like rabbits?
Please tell me you’re not a mimic, because that chest is too good to be true.
Are you a Cleric? Because you’re looking radiant.
What’s your AC? Because I want to roll to hit that.
You must be a Wizard, because I’ve fallen under your spell.
Call me a tiefling, because you got me horny.
Wanna see how great I am at casting Tongues?
Are you a Bard too? Because you are playing my heartstrings.
Wow, you are beautiful in the eye of EVERY Beholder.
I hope you’re proficient in Animal Handling, because tonight’s about to get wild.
Damn, if you were words in my spell book, you’d be the fine print.
Are you a Paladin? Because I’d like you to lay hands on me.
INSULTS
You’re so ugly, Clerics must try to Turn you.
You’re so fat, you could probably sit on a dagger and make it a longsword.
Did your mother have to cast a Darkness spell every time she fed you?
You’re so hideous, I’m not sure if I need to cast Speak with Animals to talk to you.
Wow, you’re so fat, you may be immune to the Levitate spell.
What’s the difference between a troll and your mother? One is a stinking, ugly monster, and the other is a troll.
You’re so ugly, you must need to cast Charm Person to get a date.
I’d cast Feeble Mind, but that just might be an improvement.
You’re so big, your corpse isn’t going to fit in my bag of holding.
I’d challenge you to a battle of wits, but you seem to be unarmed.
Your mother was a spell component, and your father smells of good berries.
Are you part dragon? Because that’s what I call a breath weapon.
Ugh, clearly you’re a Revivify gone wrong.
